I’ve noticed that many people don’t really care that much when I present feminine in public, and that it’s also the same for many other femboys as well. So I think public perception of it is at least neutral. Things are getting better these days, even if it is slow. I think that until people are doing it casually though it’ll always be seen as something fringe or queer. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not widely accepted as normal like how women wearing pants is.

if you think that deletion of comments that promote bigotry is “deleting comments you don’t agree with” and is fascism, you probably shouldn’t be on Lemmy and you definitely shouldn’t go to any blahaj.zone communities.

@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone is very protective of minority members in our communities, and bigots can and will be quickly banned and have their shitty comments deleted. If you don’t like that, Gab and TruthSocial are that way 👉
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

It seems like we’ve taken some steps backwards since then. Men wearing dresses is more accepted now, but only in the narrow confines of being trans. I don’t think Kobain or Bowie ever wanted to be defined as trans, they just wanted to be themselves and challenge cultural norms.

I wouldn’t agree with that wording, it’s more like people see wearing a dress or a skirt as something that makes you a woman (or woman-adjacent). They don’t see it as socially acceptable for a man to wear a dress or skirt not because they think it’s unacceptable but because they see him as a woman, or wanting to be a woman. Trans women aren’t men wearing dresses, trans women are women, who sometimes wear dresses.

The conflict here is that men (or masculine/androgynous enbies) who wear dresses aren’t women and don’t see themselves as such. So other people seeing them as women or wanting to be women for their fashion choices sucks. I agree that Kurt Kobain and David Bowie if they were alive today probably wouldn’t want to be defined as trans. Many GNC people today face hardship because society expects them to want to be women due to how they dress. Although I have noticed that getting better. Egging and Egg culture is way less acceptable these days, and most people in the community can recognize how nasty it is to dismiss someone’s identity and call them the wrong pronouns on purpose. 4 years ago I wouldn’t be so sure of that because it happened so much in queer communities I felt unsafe being open about my gender non-conformity online.

So you think affirming the fact that people can be NonBinary, and also saying people shouldn’t be intentionally misgendered after death because you feel like it is gatekeeping? Got it 👍

If that’s why you got banned from .ml then you probably deserved it. You would get banned from many other queer friendly spaces for that kind of shit. It’s not accepted or tolerated.

If we go by that logic then it shouldn’t matter either that trans people are buried under their deadname. But it does, because respecting the dead isn’t about how they feel, it’s about how it affects the living.

Imagine you had an AMAB friend who gave you really eggy vibes, and one day you decided to start referring to them as “she”. Your friend hasn’t come out, hasn’t even said anything to you in private, but you insist on using she/her pronouns for them everywhere, to everyone they know, against their wishes. That would be pretty fucking gross right?

I’ve both had that experience personally, and I’ve experienced someone I’m close to being posthumously misgendered in that way. It feels extremely shitty. Actually having that person misgender my dead brother and make false claims about how he died was soul crushing to me (that’s an understatement, I can’t describe the grief and rage I felt at that). It destroyed me, I hated them for it, and I still hate them now. Egging sucks and hurts people. When you egg living people it feels shitty, invalidating, it can also feel infantizing and condescending. When dead people are egged, it doesn’t hurt them but it can hurt their living relatives to an extreme degree. It certainly hurt me when it was done to me. I don’t know if Kurt’s family feels the same way. Famous people likely get used to hearing lots of horrible things about their family members and vice versa. I know that for me that sucked, and personally, re-aggravated a lot of old trauma.

​

I actually agree completely that Kurt was very likely trans. But I don’t think it’s cool to loudly and publicly misgender people, no matter the intent.

Also there’s more than one way to be trans or queer. An insane amount actually. One can say someone was probably trans or queer in some way, but it’s not possible to say in what way. Which includes pronoun preferences. When someone doesn’t tell you, you can’t know.

What I find particularly gross about egg culture is that the people pushing it are making the assessment that a person being GNC is either not possible or that they don’t consider it likely. So they just decided that the person must be trans due to dressing as a woman. Which seems problematic doesn’t it?

Yes it is, they, whether they understand what they’re doing or not are essentially using gender stereotypes to guess someone’s internal feeling of gender, under the idea that most people are just conforming to some set of gender stereotypes and ignoring or dismissing the people who don’t conform or care about them.

Something that should be made very clear when talking about dead people who never found out, is that you can’t “find out” for them. Self-discovery is something that can only happen from the self. It can’t happen when someone dies. So if they didn’t before they died and they never told anyone, you can’t assume they did because you can’t actually know, and it’s equally likely you are misgendering them.

CC: @SectoidLexi@lemmy.blahaj.zone

I agree. Egg culture is already shitty as it is. Posthumous egg culture combined with posthumous misgendering is really shitty and I for one hate it. The dead can’t defend themselves against intentional misgendering, and even if you make the argument that the dead can’t suffer anymore, that isn’t true for their loved ones who are still here.

The question is how do you know Kurt was binary trans or if they would’ve been okay with she/her pronouns? Comments like these are shitty in the way that egging comments are shitty. I have no doubt that Kurt was queer in some way. I’m not going to assume how or make assumptions on preferred pronouns because they’re no longer here to tell us or object to it if they don’t like it.

I agree. Gender stereotypes suck. I feel like lots of men would love skirts if it was socially acceptable for them to wear them in more places. They’re way better than shorts when it’s hot.

I thought piefed was bad news when I first read their document on tools for upholding healthy communities where they defended the idea of a karma system. Skavau very adamantly defends it claiming it’s not a Karma system while describing everything wrong with Reddit’s Karma system as if it’s somehow a good thing. I’m not really glad that I’m right, this situation is awful. I am glad though that more people are seeing it for what it is, and hopefully will stop endorsing piefed so openly.

the my general vibe

So in other words, it’s completely bullshit.

Yup and they are continuing to do so in this thread, the reactionary part I mean.

You’re not owning anyone by acting like this, you’re just proving to the rest of us that you’re a reactionary troll. You should be lucky you didn’t get an instance ban from dbzer0 or blahaj or both for that. Reactionary trolling like this isn’t tolerated on most leftist or queer friendly instances. Hell I don’t it would be very welcome on Quokk.au either.

It’s a queer friendly memes and shitposting community. They’re very harsh on bigotry and reactionaries. Of which OP is both. The fact they’re calling 196 a cult further reinforces the idea they are a reactionary.

Maybe it just shouldn’t have been posted period.

YDI, possibly YDM. That post was not in good taste and the comments under it weren’t either.

It’s just an image of Piefed’s ban notification saying “You have been banned from 196”

This is why I say most people promising to be the hero with their centralized (or fake decentralized but still centralized) private messenger, especially ones you have to pay them to use should not be trusted and you should not use their product.

The way you become the hero is making something open source, and interoperable that can be hosted without you. Most centralized “privacy” products don’t do this, because them being the hero is a marketing tactic to seem altruistic. Which is why I’m inherently skeptical of projects like this, which aim to provide a solution while being the centralized gatekeepers of it.