My uncle lives about 3 blocks away from where I live, so very close. We never really see each other.

My mom and him are always argueing and to be fair my mother is right. He is an *sshole but he personally never done anything to me.

My brother on the other side has more contact to him and said that he belongs to family and should come or else I will start a “fight”.

I don’t know I don’t really care about him because I don’t interact with him so the only reason why I wouldn’t invite him is because of how he is treating my mom. My mom avoids contact as much as possible and they are two different people. I couldn’t care less if he was at my wedding or not so if it wouldn’t be for my mother I would invite him to avoid drama but duo to how the situation is I am honestly thinking about not inviting him so my mom can enjoy the day too and doesn’t have to “hide”.

She ran out off my nephews second birthday last year once my uncle came in because he is so toxic she can’t even stay in a room with him.

My brother said it isn’t my problem but tbh it I think it is my problem. I love my mom and want her to enjoy my wedding without her being forced to have contact with someone she HATES.

I think I answered my own question by now but am I the as*shole and what consequences does this have? I am planning on visiting my uncle and telling him he isn’t invited because of how the situation is between my mom and him and that my and my wifes wedding isn’t the day for family drama and I don’t want to risk it - even if they promise to behave. I just don’t want it on that day.

With that being said I also can’t invite my grandpa to which I do not have contact with since years because of how toxic he was to my mother. He wasn’t as toxic as my uncle to my mother was so my mom said it would be okay to invite him BUT he requires 1:1 assistance meaning my oncle would have to drive him and take care of him - he would also be there because of my grandpa. So I just don’t invite both.

Edit: accidently posted it in relationship advice my bad :-(

  • evergreen@lemmy.world
    English
    31·
    4 months ago

    I think you should take any opportunity to reduce stress on you on your wedding day. The wedding is for you and your partner and that’s all that will matter in the end.

    People that are so selfish that they’d rather bicker and pick fights with other guests at the cost of everyone else’s enjoyment should definitely not be invited.

    If you want, just explain to them why you felt you needed to make the decisions you did. Maybe they’ll care enough to listen and take a look at themselves, or maybe not.

    It’s unfortunate that they still behave that way at that point in their lives, and I get it that we all have our own set of issues and that nobody is perfect. But, I really don’t think it’s worth risking it on your wedding day. Like I said, that day is for you two. Share it with the people who you can count on to experience that happiness with.