Alternate plan: start taking benadryl once home and exposed to the media coverage, do so until passed out for the rest of the day/night while avoiding all media. Wake up half a zombie the next afternoon and see who won. Proceed to cry or celebrate.
It’s possible to sample the overall vote count of a state from a small number of ballots in every precinct. There’s a high margin of error, but if the results are decisive enough, it’s possible to call a date at 2% official count.
Not sure if it’s allowed in the US, but if you can get data from counting locations before they’re officially reported, then it’s very easy to get an accurate sample well before the official numbers are clear. Exit polls help with analysis as well.
Video about the math behind it:
You can go ahead and call new York and California with 0% reporting now.