When I was younger, I always heard that “true gentleman” value and don’t fear commitment. I also heard a lot of girls I used to be friends with complain about how their ex-boyfriends didn’t like commitment and how they shouldn’t have dated in the first place then. Now that I’ve gone out into the dating world, I can confirm several of my breakups were caused by the person fearing commitment.
Some were just the person was an asshole, some were that they lost feelings mid-relationship, and if it wasn’t either two, they were just plain afraid of commitment. But what makes people afraid to commit? What are some of the reasons anyway, or your reasons if you fear or feared commitment?
My ex “C” said our relationship wasn’t “real” and didn’t mean anything, and that she liked me but wasn’t looking for a long-term commitment. She also essentially wanted to be FWB (friends with benefits) but later said she didn’t want to and we were just friends and that we never actually had a relationship.
If they’re truly “afraid of commitment” and not just horny, undecided and exploring their options, it’s because giving yourself entirely, caring for someone that much and finally changing your identity to being part of something bigger than just you can cause a lot of grief if something goes sideways (I mean, death is a promise and all but that’s more digestible compared to being broken up with, specially if it comes much later in life) and some people are very afraid of that potential result… or they’re just anxious and afraid of many more things relationship-wise.