I’ll be going overseas soon to visit and stay with my cousins for a few weeks. I’m fairly close to them and we get along well, so it’s not a problem interacting with them, as a generally shy and introverted person. However, I’ve absolutely no idea how to interact with their kids (3 and 7 years old). I’ve never been good with kids. I can’t make funny faces, speak “goo goo ga ga” nor play with them or entertain them in any fashion. I mean, I could try, but it’s just not in my nature, and it’ll come across as really fake and forced.
Mind you, I don’t hate kids, I just never interacted with them in any sort of extended fashion. I keep my distance from them and don’t want nothing to do with kids in general. I don’t find kids cute or funny or cuddly or anything of that sort, on the contrary, I find kids annoying and avoid them. I don’t care about them to the point that I won’t even ring my niblings and wish them a happy birthday, if I wasn’t forced to by my family (and I usually try and weasel out of it by coming up with some excuse).
In saying all that, the reason why I’m asking this question is because I don’t want them to grow up hating me or thinking of me like I’m that “weird uncle”, cause maybe in the future, when I become old, I may have to rely upon them for whatever reasons. Like if I look at myself now, I have a good relationship with my elderly aunts and uncles, and they rely upon me for various things - mostly technical help, but even just in general if I’m ever visiting them I help them out wherever I can. Plus I enjoy conversing with them and learning of their various life experiences. I would like to have a similar amicable relationship with my niblings when I grow old, but I can’t help think that I’m pushing them away due to my shy and introverted nature.
And as a reference, I have another cousin who’s the exact opposite of me: typical extrovert alpha male type. He treats his niblings as if they were his own kids, like he does the airplane with them, takes them out for treats or other fun outdoor activities etc etc, and actually has conversations with them. I mean, that’s all pretty cool I guess, but that’s just not me. I do not intend to be like that.
I guess what I’m after is, what’s the absolute minimal sort of interaction I can have with them, which won’t feel too forced or fake or in-your-face (like definitely no “goo goo ga ga” stuff please), whilst still keeping up appearances and making me come across as a “he’s a good uncle I guess, but just a bit quiet and shy” type of person? I’ve tried having “grown up” style small talk with them (like how’s your day going, or stuff about the weather) and obviously that didn’t work out too well. So I’d also appreciate stuff that I can talk to them about, like actual dialogues if possible, which won’t seem fake or forced coming out of me, a shy and introverted person.
Don’t attempt “goo goo ga ga” with 3 and 7 year olds. You’ll look like an idiot. Goo goo ga ga is for newborns.
I know, I don’t know the equivalent term for small kids, you know the high-pitched sing-songy exaggerated tone that people use when they talk to kids (or pets)? I’m saying I can’t do that sort of stuff.
Children are just smaller people, just talk normally about them. You need to adjust the content of what you are saying to be age appropriate but you definitely do not need to change your voice or manner of speaking.
Simply ask them about their interests and then act interested in what they are telling you (but in your normal voice). Do not brush them off or belittle them or their interests in any way and you’ll have a pretty good position.
I tend to just talk to other people’s kids (and mine) as if they were adults. I absolutely detest it when people speak to my kids in those high pitched sing-songy voices, and so do my kids.
Don’t fake or force anything. For a younger kid like the 3 year old, I might squat down or kneel so as to be at eye level with them. Sure, the 3 year old probably won’t be the best conversationalist or have similar interests to you. But if you can make small talk with an adult, you can ask a child what interests them or what they did recently that they thought was neat. Maybe they’ll talk about a show they watched recently and you can ask who their favorite character is and why.
Children are just adults with fewer experiences and different concerns.
Thanks, but what do I say when I first meet them? I did meet the older older one four years ago, but she may not remember much from that time, and I’d be meeting the youngest one for the first time. They are aware of me in general though so it’s not like I’m a total stranger.
Sure, I could ask about their interests and what they did recently recently, but what after that? I’ll be living with them for a couple of weeks so I can’t ask them the same questions every day. Also I don’t want to bombard them with questions either, otherwise it’ll seem like an interview. What do I say to them when I run into them the first thing in the morning? Like I can wish them a good morning of course, but what after that? How do I pan out the conversations across day 2, day 3 etc? I don’t want to sound like a broken record and repeat the same dialogue every day.
I’m not really good with small talk even with adults btw, but if it’s something about my work or hobbies, I can talk for ages - however I can’t really do that with the kids though.
I’d imagine that after the first day, just “Hey, how’s it going?” or such is going to be fine. If they’re anything like my 8 and 11 year old, they’ll either ignore you completely, or talk to you incessantly. So long as you don’t just completely ignore them, acknowledge their presence, and respond to them when they attempt to interact with you, you’ll be fine. It’s their house, you shouldn’t feel the need to act like their personal entertainment unit :)
