I was born that way but my mom slipped up and used a fork once when pregnant with my sister and she was cursed with normal human tits, and no one has ever gotten anything for free with those.

Born that way, your mother would have had to use fidget spinners as utensils the entire time she was pregnant. For every single meal.

Don’t even need to steal it, just gotta show the staff your fidget spinner tits and they get so amazed that they give you everything for free. I’ve been doing it since 2019

I like to fill mine with a can of Vienna sausages so I can eat little hotdogs in class

I met this Tiger once who was a total brony and he wouldn’t stop telling me about his collection of my little pony toys, he even showed me his my little pony fleshlight custom designed for Tiger dong. For some reason he was really proud of it but I just thought he was a weird wanker. I don’t want to meet any more tigers.

Yes, the alternative is cutting down trees and that’s horrible

I thought I was good enough to go out and rent Chronicles of Riddick but I ended up with Chronicles of Red Dick, some movie about dog breeders having to jerk off dogs for sperm. I can’t do anything right.

I’m a dolphin, don’t listen to this guy he won’t teach you anything. But please come to my dolphin class where you’ll be taught how to clean out my snotty blowhole, I’ve had a cold for 3 weeks.

Tiny knobs fit in more places, I once watched my uncle shove his inside a straw then suck the other end. He won first prize at the farmers market talent show that summer.

Turn that thing into a fleshlight

Cum

My mechanic’s uncle called me neurospicy because my favorite TV show is “it’s always smelly in smegmadelphia”. I told him I like spicy food and I do have neurons so he was right.

Can I eat it?

No, it makes him me.

Steak and cheese was the first one I ever discovered when I was like 12 years old, what a time to have eyes

The pain Olympics one where the guy takes a hatchet to his balls was also awful to look at

My sister’s brother has the opposite problem. He had to invent Knob Softener™ reverse boner pills just so he could take a break from all the shnoggin’ he was doing with his AliExpress lead lined fleshlight.

Camera hasn’t been invented yet where I’m from

Yeah it’s unfortunate, she’s stuck working out of care.tripod.com/angelfire-geocities/melamine-tits.html now but hopefully she’s done well for herself

I’ve got one of these that my grandma made for me when I was 7. She used to go scavenging for dead animals in the local parks for taxidermy purposes and she made me one with various parts she found of Cardinal, Robin and squirrel paws. It’s the cleanest soap dispenser I’ve ever used and now that I’m almost 50 I still use it every day. My wife hates it because it’s old and falling apart so I told her when she dies I’ll have a taxidermist turn her into a new one.