I would like to change the radio station in a school zone and not run over a bunch of kids because I had to take my eyes off the road. Touchscreens are more distracting to use than my phone, which I don’t like to use while driving because it is distracting enough.

Touchscreens absolutely do not belong in cars and I hope my car with buttons doesn’t fucking die before the trend dies.

I live about 20 miles away from where I grew up. I never saw a wild snake in all my years of living at my parents house.

It all started when I once ran over a baby snake with my lawnmower a few years ago. It went under the wheel and was maybe 3 inches long with two yellow stripes. It was fine and I picked it up for a picture and let it go. In that same area in my yard this year I have seen a bigger version of that snake, maybe the same one. I haven’t seen more than one snake at the same time but I suspect there is more than one based on the sizes I have seen. One of them hangs out in a crack in my garage foundation.

One time I was moving around laundry and heard what sounded like a nerf vortex football with the whistlers on it being thrown. Went outside and spotted a red tail hawk in a tree a few doors down.

This was a few blocks away by a pond. I saw a great blue heron. Not too big of a deal. You’ve seen them standing in water. You may have seen them flying. But have you ever seen them in a tree? They have every right to be in trees but seeing one in a tree was just so unusual.

I’ve been watching King of the Hill at work (all shift sometimes) recently and it’s gotten to be real difficult to see the antagonistic characters on the show in the same light. Cartoons are supposed to be an exaggeration of their real life counterparts. Knowing what texas is harboring in real life really washes out the humor these antagonists are supposed to bring.

The shit has wheels and isn’t behind a fence. Move it yourself, tell them to fuck off, and go back the next day and move it again until the management give up. What are they going to do? Get a police stake out? Hire RoboCop to uphold the law? Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.

What part of “George Thorogood concert” do you not understand? This wasn’t a shitter in the middle of nowhere. Locking the door is a lot more effective than trying to be louder than I Drink Alone. Yeah, you know when I shit alone I prefer to be by myself.

Steal from the rich: accept expensive gifts from the rich

Give to the poor: at the very least see if anyone needs his old phone. One of you may know somebody who has a cracked screen and is willing to up/side/downgrade to a phone in better condition.

How many miles of feces? Are we talking to the scale of as long as the Panama canal, the length of New York, around the equator, or to the moon (and back)?

I was at a George Thorogood concert and opened the door on a woman taking a shit in a portapotty. There were no lines so I just walked up and picked door number 2.

What I’m saying is I do care a little bit who’s in there.

I haven’t actually tried to watch it but I’ve been in the same room as handmaids tale. I saw an episode recently and the only thing of interest was the switchblades they had. There’s gotta be a better show where they wear funny hats.

Can’t wait to see him holding a manila envelope at a press conference.

I was working with my hands on something and socked myself in the nuts. I think I was deburring a piece of hardened steel and the scraper slipped. It wasn’t full wind up and swing but my fist with the scraper had a lot of pressure in and behind it.

I’ve got plenty of scars and this incident didn’t leave one. Not physically. My testicles ache now thinking back on it. Makes me wonder if Mike Tyson ever punched himself in the nuths.

I’ve always wondered if a small car like a Smart Car could just perpendicular park instead and call it a day. Parking cops are fucking morons so it would be hard to explain coloring inside the lines to them.

im permabanned poster redditshitposter58. i first started reading reddit when i was about 12. by 14 i got really obsessed with the concept of “shit posting” and tried to channel it constantly, until my posting process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like “amaze balls” and “this” in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of “bad” style of reddit humor was all about; i think it’s the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who “use” reddit to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to a mental illness. peace.

Mutant League Football

Remember when Rafael Cruz had that booger on his lip during a speech? I haven’t forgotten. He ate a booger during a debate.

To hell with AI theories. The killers broke into his cell from inside the walls, ceiling, toilet, or poster. Started in a sewer pipe. Watch Shawshank Redemption backwards to get the idea.

Does a dome have to be arching upwards? This golden dome I’ve been hearing about just makes me think of a toilet full of piss.

Do you have any reasoning beyond capslock?

I think they’ve been emojis for over 100 years

Start charging money to get in