Ugh it’s perfect, I need more absurdist comics like this!

Yeah but they didn’t factor in the extra mass from all those gas station pepperoni sticks so

I never realized his waistband had elastic before.

That’s the insidious thing about it - there are times when it serves us well!

Oh hi, that’s me

That would be a seriously weird way to flirt

A hundred percent. I love alone time and I know exactly what kind of socializing I’m up for, so I’d be an easy person for me to spend time with. I have the same interests as me and the same taste in food too. It would be cool to go get a pedi together and then get a bit day drunk (or day buzzed, anyway).

I actually love this idea. How make happen?

I hear ya. I don’t mean clean as in sterile, just seems like you can never get all the grease off of them. They always seem like they’re covered in a film of old cooking oil.

Eating (mostly) clean, retirement, weight lifting / a personal trainer, and limiting my screen time.

I don’t know how people can stand cast iron pans. I know they’re supposed to be great for cooking but I always feel like you can never really get them all the way clean.

Yeah and she was a fucking hypocrite because when she got sick she absolutely accepted medical care. Plus there’s this.

I committed to sleeping in a silk bonnet every night, and my hair is so much nicer now :)

You thinking EDS?

What’s a potato?

Or took AZO.

Holy crap, 260 bpm!!

Agreed, but it’s lox :)

Don’t forget the capers!

Oh my god I forgot all about Mallory Ortberg’s interpretations of monk paintings! I used to love these.

Unrelated but she once wrote something like “everyone knows that to properly make a bed, you need to circle it like a shark” and the truth of that has stuck with me ever since. Why is my brain like this haha

Imagine giving birth to that.