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Cake day: March 27th, 2025

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  • This reminds me of when I was a kid. My school computer were running slow as heck windows xps or windows 7s, mostly slow because the bloat of education software that was installed to block visiting certain websites, lock down computers during certain hours or when the teacher is lecturing, etc. Even in my high school.

    One day for my computer class during a lecture, I plugged in my liveboot USB running Mint, hushed my classmates next to me and rebooted. I didn’t expect the computer to make a loud as hell beep sound when it got to the bootloader, but I was sitting in a side row so the teacher just said “what was that?” and moved on while others looked at me suspiciously. But then I was able to boot up Linux right there, super easy. And everything works, I was able to browse the web without any restrictions, well I’m not really trying to look at bad stuff but just hate being locked down when I can do something else instead. Or maybe I just wanted to show off Linux. Anyways my classmates next to me silently whispered “what the heck how did you do this??” I look back at this as a fond memory.



  • There is a line between acknowledging the horrible reality, and being completely submerged in that and can’t see the flowers next to the dirt road, and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a similar tendency as you described, but with my partner I’m able to notice that a bit of positivity I lack is essential to survive every day. A lot of people have traumatic pasts but move forward by seeing the hope in the hopeless, enjoying the simple things in life when they have the means to do so. I would say becoming positive and hopeful should be a prerequisite to getting into a relationship, otherwise you only have a shaky foundation and both of you will fall over.





  • meet someone who is thoroughly fucked up (as am I), but who is keeping it in check? Because, yes, I am attracted to the existential grit brought about by hardships. I like someone with dirty hands, someone who has good reasons to not be optimistic or generally cheerful, someone who has seen the things beneath the flesh and is now knee-deep in the abyss.

    I would say yes, this increases your chances of finding toxic partners by a lot. A lot of people can have hardships and have the “grit” but some of them stay positive and move forward while others keep the pessimism and the trauma unhealed. And as people with past trauma know, it’s gonna take a long time to properly heal, and having a positive life attitude and outlook is essential in that process. I am one of those with past trauma so I am not trying to be against them, but there is a reason that a lot of terrible criminals had terrible childhoods. Of course, others can become overachievers or great people too, but the correlation is there. If you want to find relatable partners, there are things beyond life hardships you can try to relate to.