A big old goose egg, eh?

The deadpan casual comment of your spouse’s passing is perhaps one of the funniest deliveries I’ve ever heard. I’m so sorry for your loss

Sounds like you’d be into strictly my buttcrack

Edit: I wrote that as a joke but knowing you I’m not sure who’s laughing

Man for a second I thought you were talking about punching one of them kids

Also, “free” v-cards. It’s a scam. You think they’re giving you something for free but then turn around after giving it to you and demand like $3-$4. I was shocked, I thought they were handing out nice valentine cards to be kind but it was a street scam

I wasn’t expecting the drop to hit so hard

These memes jerk me around lately

I used to think I was a hot commodity in the gay community until I realized it was only the ugly old guys hitting on me. Never the hot young ones. Let me tell you, my illusions were shattered. But then I got older and the young hot ones started giving me fuck-me eyes and now my illusions are back again

one peep’s trash is another homie’s treasure

11-7, my favourite convenience store

can’t even have a public wank in peace anymore what is the world coming to

While you were lifting weights, I was studying the booty shorts

the far left, like peanut butter, is soft, but resilient and creamy. The far right, like peanut brittle, is hard, but fragile.

Obviously the one going for armpit action at top right

Over 12k strokes for the average man, if you were wondering

The “then” referring to the PS3 era is hurting my joints

they have the two basic components, glasses and sun

rich as rich daddy balls

like the bejewelled kind

They ceased ceasing fire

Someone will say psspsspsspsspsspss heyyy