Why don’t we just ship conservatives to Russia instead? Daddy Puta needs you for the invasion you so ardently support. Plus, you would get to show off how cool you all look in your awesome new battle gear.

Conservatives being removed from the U.S. would do more to help the U.S. than any other single thing we could do for ourselves. If you are a conservative and genuinely care about the U.S., do your part. Enlist in Russia today!