I’m interested in a wholesome relationship dynamic where the girlfriend acts as a comforting source of warmth, protection, and abundant physical affection. She’s a cozy safe haven, wrapping her boyfriend in adoring hugs and showering him in doting kisses. He’s gentle and sensitive, relaxing in her care and taking it all in, responding in an endearing way that fuels her nurturing.
It seems like the Internet’s idea of a “strong” female presence in a hetero relationship is a dominant/submissive coercive femdom dynamic. That’s not what I want at all; I want to see a female character who is eager to lead out of a loving desire to snuggle and care for her boyfriend—she wants to protect him, not exploit him. There is also no power imbalance or one-sidedness; while the girlfriend’s doting affection is a defining feature, the boyfriend happily initiates and reciprocates affection as well. There are lots of open heartfelt exchanges, and it’s all so subversively tender that it feels taboo.
I have never seen a relationship like this depicted anywhere. It took months of introspection and creative writing to work out the essence of my preferred dynamic and understand that labels like “gentle femdom” or “gender role reversal” utterly fail to capture the nuances of what I truly want. The romance novel and adult video industries almost completely alienate me. It feels like there is nothing for me, or at least no way to easily find it in the vast cosmos of the Internet.
It would be wonderful to find something, a book, some kind of show or movie, an obscure Internet board… really anything to scratch this constant itch that I have. Despite my mediocre skills, my own writing vastly outstrips any media I’ve seen so far. I’d love to see something made by someone more professional.
And yeah, mayyyybe I’ve dodged a bullet by being immune to the endless piles of sex appeal industry slop and provocative ads that deactivate the frontal lobe, but sometimes I want in on the fun too.
Morticia and Gomez Addams.
On and off, I’ve found myself watching Uyen Ninh’s shorts on YouTube. Her and German Flatmate / Boyfriend / Fiance have something like that dynamic going on in those videos, maybe in real life too. That’s what, or rather who, sprang to mind when I saw this post, for whatever that’s worth.
The focus has been more about their cultural differences (she’s Vietnamese), and the absurdities therein, presented with love and humour. Or else it’s the more “relatable” content that might apply to anyone, but the dynamic is definitely there.
Bob’s Burgers, Bob and Linda’s marriage comes damn close to what your saying.
You can definitely find this dynamic in anime, although a lot of the romance stories are about couples getting together rather than an established relationship. “Horimya” and “My Dress Up Darling” are both series which are recent and very popular. They might be close to what you want. Some less popular titles that are more precisely what you described are “An Archedemon’s Dilemma: How to Love Your Elf Bride” and “Shikimori’s Not Just A Cutie”.
There is a visual novel called Our Life: Beginnings & Always that may fit this. You can play as any gender, but I played as a female and I was very affectionate and doting to the boy in the game named Cove. You can choose to just be friends or create a relationship with him and it gives you a lot of control over how the relationship moves throughout your character’s life. He’s sensitive and shy, but as you get to know him he becomes very supportive and loving.
You play from childhood to adults and it’s very cute. I highly recommend it.
That sounds lovely and quite close to the vibe I’m looking for! Thanks so much!
Pixar’s UP
Bro that short music video destroyed me
I skimmed through the Romance genre in my media server. Here’s what I came up with. Not sure if any of these would work.
WALL-E
Dracula (1992)
Starman. He’s not human, but don’t hold that against him.
Warm Bodies, if you don’t mind a zombie theme
Return to Me. A wife has to die, but there’s a nice romance once she’s out of the way.
On Golden Pond. There’s a romance in there, but it isn’t the main part of the story. And they’re elderly.
The Man with Two Brains. True, she’s just a brain in a jar, but none of us is perfect.
Love Story, just don’t believe it when she says love means never having to say you’re sorry.
Little Manhattan, but the romance is on the other end of the age spectrum from On Golden Pond
The Fault in Our Stars
Ooh, Warm Bodies is great on this list to my memory. She quite literally warms his heart with her love
Maybe something in children’s media or Hallmark movies?
Robotech has three of these relationships. They’re not very developed since it’s very early anime, but they have many of the qualities you’re describing.
The first one is Claudia and Roy.
The other two are… (spoiler)
Lisa and Rick Myria and Max
Edit: They may not be exactly what you’re describing, but I think they’re in the right direction.
Decent amount of good romance anime that isnt onesided or exceedingly sexualized, one of the better ones i can recommend is The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten. Its a nice slow burn, i think its getting another season soon?
You’ll probably have an easier time you research some writers who come from more Matriarchical societies. Typically, these are gonna be places with very old cultures. Native populations (almost any country tbh) and Islanders tend to be good bets for that
True Romance
Does this girl exist irl?
You might find something like that in the Wheel of Time books. It’s been a long time since I read them, but there’s a lot of very strong women in those books and only a few of them have a hard time being gentle and compassionate when the situation allows.
