Sunk my ex in court with that shit!

Her lawyer: “Why don’t you ever call your kids?”

This was the whole thrust of her case, that I’m an uncaring father. I was kinda stunned and just answered honestly.

“Uh, why would I call them? I ask some simple question like, ‘When do you get out of school?’ and they look to their mother for the answer.” <pantomimed this meme>

Judge lost his shit. Lost his shit over quite a bit more, but that was the turning point. Now I can talk to my kids on video, NO FUCKING MOM.