Apparently, I’ve got spondylolisthesis, meaning that a disk in my spine has slipped out of place (to a rather extensive degree, according to my doctor; it was a relief, at least, to have a professional tell me I wasn’t just being pathetic).
It fucking sucks. I’m laying in my bed now and I cannot describe to you the ways my back pieces currently feel like they are moving, except to say that the sensation is pervasive and unpleasant. Before I went to the doctor, I spent eleven days barely able to stand. I only left my bed to use the restroom and even that was an iffy prospect.
It’s unclear if this makes it better or worse, but the most likely cause for this that has been put forth so far is hilarious … And embarrassing.
Anyway, I’ve been enjoying this debilitating situation for a few months now and the next opportunity to potentially fix it is thirteen days from now. I wish it were today.
I have cried a lot infront of my girlfriend and I am not ashamed of this. Also Infront of friends. Why suppress your feeling? Just be yourself and if someone tells you otherwise, they can go fuck themselves. Be a human, not a robot.
I don’t like to cry, but I’m not exactly ashamed to. I have cried in front of my wife and my friends and they have cried in front of me.
I am ashamed to feel this strongly about my pain. Lots of people feel way more pain, and way less treatably, than I do. Like I said, it was a relief when my doctor told me I wasn’t just being a wimp, but given what others suffer I should focus my sympathy on them and not on myself.
edit: s/was/way/