MONROE, MI—Citing its ongoing mission to provide customers with the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation, upholstered furniture mainstay La-Z-Boy announced Friday that its latest line of Jasper Rocking Recliners would feature fully adjustable morphine drips. “There’s no better way to relax than with our luxurious recliners and a steady stream of opioids flowing right into your […]
If only.
Oh you KNOW it would be a subscription service…
The refills can be purchased directly from the company (for your protection, of course), any unauthorized refills won’t have the chip required for the machine to recognize it.
In order to maximize ad revenue (because there’s a screen, microphone, AI somehow, and speakers too) your heart rate, pupil movement, credit card score and temperature will be monitored by the system in order to play ads when you are feeling the most receptive.