Edit: while I’m at it, does anyone know what I should do when I’m waiting for a coincidence/adventure to happen, but it never comes? I can’t really go outside and arrange for it to happen because I don’t know what I’m looking for.

    • Septimaeus@infosec.pub
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      7 months ago

      Don’t avoid being good to others, as this truism suggests, just ensure you’re being good to yourself as well.

      • Septimaeus@infosec.pub
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        7 months ago

        I’ve heard this truism my whole life, and glibly repeated it myself at least a few times. But we must acknowledge that it expresses a morally defeatist attitude that poisons the person who actually lives by it.

        Instead you can reconcile kindness by being more observant. Some “good deeds” aren’t actually that good, since their extended effects amount to an unkindness to yourself or those you love.

        For example, let’s say someone asks you to donate to a just cause, or loan them some money in a difficult time. If doing so means your family goes hungry or can’t afford clothes, it might not be such a good deed after all.

        More subtle examples involve your time, such as helping someone by staying late at work, or spending hours listening to someone who really should get professional help instead.

        Ultimately, it’s not true that “no good deed goes unpunished,” but even if it were, it doesn’t matter, because helping people is its own reward.

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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        7 months ago

        Nope.

        Nearly every single time in my life that I have expended a significant or even massive amount of time, money, attention, intellectual or emotional capacity toward someone, solved their problems for them, it has been taken for granted, become expected, never reciprocated, and most of the people I helped went on to rope me into situations where I was even more on the hook, or they’d abuse me verbally or physically.

        I finally concluded that none of the idiots in my life actually cared about me at all and just left.

          • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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            7 months ago

            Assuming your name is a pun on Thoreau, I could sure go for a cabin in the woods.

            But yeah. I have been promised so many times oh trust me bro this plan will work and then no it doesn’t and if I get mad about it the other person has an emotional breakdown aaannnd a year later i still haven’t been paid back.

            Or even more fun, doing things to help people that cost me money, with no pay, only to find out a year or two later oh well I paid other person to do the same fucking thing.

            Then they promise to make it up to me down the line and whoops that thing they promised? Oh they sold it to someone else, so sorry.

            Gaslighting. So much gaslighting. I never said that. I already paid you back why are you still bringing this up? Im starting to get worried about your memory!

            Its left me with extreme loner syndrome as I am so very used to every one I ever care for abusing my trust and betraying me.