Been in a relationship for a year, since early in the relationship my partner has been suffering with chronic back pain. This pain is almost always present, this causes breakdowns multiple times a week, especially on weekends.
I’ve been having a hard time helping her manage her pain and being there for her, it reoccures so much that I’m starting to feel myself becoming apathetic towards her, and sometimes outright cold.
I haven’t really been getting a chance to rest from being emotionally available, or even socially available (even though life circumstance already caused me to basically halt all social life). And i haven’t really had a weekend this past months that i could use to rest instead of being on call and hearing her cry most of the day.
I feel like I’m pouring from an empty cup and that I don’t have any other choice, otherwise I’d be leaving her to deal with it herself.
It feels like it’s going to be the end of our relationship, any advice?
p.s. we’re a man-woman relationship, young adults, both of us not really experienced in relationships, if that’s any help.
What outside help (doctors, nurses, medical) is she receiving?
Going through appointments to find out what causes it, and pain meds. Not much else.
Stretching can make a world of difference with a lot of pain issues.
She already does that, usually when she’s at her place, i worry she does some incorrectly as she has been reporting pain in her bones shortly after stretching
That is usually a sign of overstretching. Maybe look up some stretching videos you can follow along with together. There are all sorts of partner stretching videos on YouTube.
I had that idea, i think now that i have a bit of time on my hands I’ll compile a list of stretches and compile detailed videos or links if i find any, and maybe will see to it that she does them correctly.
If any of the above or none, therapy like acupuncture can be really helpful. Is the source of the pain known?
Aside from solving the issue for her, the issue you have needs to also be addressed and it’s probably best to start with an honest conversation with her, to let her know how you feel. The point of this is to vocalise the thoughts and see if you can both assist to help each other. It can’t always be one way with internalised frustration being withheld, you are a team and she should realise and understand. There’s not much she might be able to do for you, but even if it’s to agree with you and give you a bit of space, to feel like you have the permission to not be “on call” 100%, then you can guilt free start to manage some time for yourself. In the end this is good for both of you because you get the recharge you need to ultimately continue supporting her. Try keep each other on the same side of this thing and you’ll be right, if it starts into a tit for tat thing and you go against each other it’s not going to be beneficial.
An option that may exist depending on where you live and if you don’t have you own support network of family and friends are carer support groups. This can help you talk to others in a similar situation and get some social interaction at the same time.
i kinda don’t really trust acupuncture, we had something similar suggested by her doctor, wanted to strong arm that man for suggesting it.
We’ll hopefully get a better support network soon, but it’ll take a while to show improvements
There’s actually 2 kinds of needle therapy that I know of, the less scientific pressure points one related to Chinese medicine, and the others which is called dry needling which is more clinical, maybe read up on both.