Let me start by saying I’m a “floor guy” at a small town hardware store. I am in training to be a manager but not one yet. I do a bunch of stuff around the store. Which leaves me busy a lot of the time.
We have a paint department that LOVES calling me and the other floor guys to do dumb things that is their job. Now, I don’t mind helping here or there. However when I get called away from doing something to come pick up your empty boxes to bring them to the box crusher when you’re supposed to, or to bring a box up to the register for a customer that weighs 10lbs.
I just get furious since they’ve been told not to do this. However they don’t stop. I recently told them I’m not moving a box for them since they weren’t busy. They were just playing on their phone while waiting on me.
They complained and the manager told them it’s their job. Now I have multiple people mad at me because I tell them NO. When it’s not my job unless they are too busy.
Am I the asshole?
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I was just mad because I had a few people telling me I was a dick, smart-ass, asshole, ect. Just for telling them no. I thought maybe I was being unreasonable.
However I get what you’re saying.
Might I suggest !vent@lemmy.world?
I’m sorry 😞 I didn’t know that was a community. I also really did want to know if i did something wrong, but I do see that as a better fit.
Oh no don’t apologize. Your post did well here. Just sharing another community.
The issue probably wasn’t you telling them no, but the way you did it.
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“Am I the asshole for now allowing strangers to kick me in the nuts every day?”
Top this scenario with the frequent:
“the wedding is in two hours”
and it can also be in relationship advice
the trick is just learning how to tell people No
its a balancing act that takes some finesse and if you are going to be a manager soon, you might look into how it is done
Im not sure if I could explain it but it usually involves listening to the request, rewording the request and repeating it back. And then explaining the situation as you see it (why you will say no) and then when they have understanding of the situation, you explain why you are saying no.
From my personal experience, this works out pretty well but there is always that one off that blows up in your face. When that happens just face it head on and as time goes on it usually gets better and requires less work when you have to say no
INFO: did you tell them no in a polite way or were you shitty about it?
You are not the asshole, and the people who are will, of course, make you feel like you’re being one.
No, you’re not the asshole. But I’m the guy who won’t do shit unless it’s explicitly part of my job description.
That’s a toxic work environment in the making. Always call out that kind of behavior.
No, you’re not an asshole, the other person is the asshole by de facto demanding you to do their work (when people get all pissy if you say “no” for something they “asked” you for, they weren’t really asking).
If you want to preemptivelly remove or reduce the risk of others accusing you in some way of “meaness” (such “asking” and the “meaness” accusation on refusal being quite a common strategy of people who were far too spoiled as kids and never really grew up - they do it because the “oh, look at poor little me” worked when they were kids to reverse adults’ “no” responses), provide some kind of “yes” under conditions and a time frame entirelly defined by you, something like “I would love to help you but I’m really busy at the moment with higher priority work. If I get the time I’ll come around and help you with that”. From this point either go down the line of “never having the time” (i.e. you don’t do it and have no intention of doing it, and if confronted just provide vague “I couldn’t get around to doing it” or just “I forgot and now it’s too late” reasons that can’t really be disproven by the other person) and they’ll eventually give up on asking you that (being pissy about people being too busy with more important work doesn’t really work as well as being pissy about an outright “no”), or you go down the line of “helping others help themselves” (i.e. you do some of the work as long as they’re right there also doing the work with you or take them to the right person to ask for help if there is one and wait with them while they ask and next time around when they come to you, ask them “have you asked person X already”).
Personally the way I solved my own “not wanting to be seen as not nice” way back when I started working was a mix of prioritization (i.e. “I’ll help you when I have the time”, and I genuinelly meant it but in practice I rarelly had the time) and helping people help themselves (i.e. “I’ll explain you how you do it while you do it yourself” and afterwards for subsequent requests just asked “have you tried already what I taught you last time?” and not help until they did which usually resulted in them solving the problem themselves) though this was in software development and people came to me to solve the kind of problems that had to do figuring something out, diagnosing a problem or implementing a certain kind of functionality, so I could do the whole “teach them whilst they do it themselves” thing.
Start asking them to do your work and then get upset when they don’t do it. It’s the only way they’ll learn.
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it might be unfair to ask as this is just based on your username but:
do they resent you for taking smoke breaks?
do they know you’re a furry?
I actually quit smoking 6 months ago. No only my close friends and fiancee know I’m a furry because when I call myself a “furry” it’s just a persona for like anime conventions and stuff. Not huge into the community.
I can’t imagine a universe where what you did makes you an asshole.
How do you plan to manage a bunch of people that don’t respect you?
Key learning opportunity right there.
I’m gonna agree with other people here, you were the asshole, the correct asshole, but the asshole. It sounds like the situation where one kid in a classroom reminds the teacher to give the quiz. The kid is right like you were, but everyone still hates them.
Working with people who aren’t pulling their weight sucks, but throwing them under the bus to the manager also sucks.
Disagree with the analogy. This is more like a kid complaining that other kids want them to do their homework, while still doing their own homework.
If you’ve got a job you’re trying to offload on others just because you don’t want to do it, you’re the asshole.
