“Yeah it was The Great British Bake Off, but you can’t tell me Spurs didn’t deserve to win that!”

• Jermaine Jenas

Bring in RefBot from Robot Wars, never made any mistakes.

Dibs

That Newcastle team was quite something

Tiote (RIP) smashing it in for 4-4 against Arsenal

In all honesty I’d be pretty surprised if Perisic plays another game for Spurs - long term injury, contract up soon and he’s on the wrong side of 30.

Probably a machine that spits out random info about each team before the match so pundits look like they know what they’re on about

I think the goal is chalked off, hasn’t this (or something rather similar) happened before?

Ah, Graeme! Good to see you again!

“I’ve just had a mare right, some massive bodybuilding geezer came running at me out the bushes, god knows why, anyway I’ve lamped him, he’s gone flying…”

shows up to court wearing a pair of glasses he’d never been seen wearing before or since in an attempt to appear more vulnerable

The Universe would probably split in two

Bale in 2012/13 for Spurs - without him they’d have been in a relegation battle.

The PL isn’t going to implode if Chelsea and City get relegated (Newcastle haven’t breached any rules.)

It’s home to multiple clubs with worldwide support (Arsenal, Liverpool and Man United specifically) and many other teams capable of making and competing in Europe (right now Brighton, Villa and West Ham are all there.) Losing Chelsea and City isn’t going to break any of that.

And why not xPostsOnR\PremierLeague too, for games which will inevitably cause some kind of meltdown.

Ajax beating both Real Madrid and Juventus in the 2018/19 UCL (and their games against Bayern in the group stage were solid too.)