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VagabondShad to RPGMemes @ttrpg.networkEnglish • 2 years ago

Gotta adventure just to pay child support

ttrpg.network

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Gotta adventure just to pay child support

ttrpg.network

VagabondShad to RPGMemes @ttrpg.networkEnglish • 2 years ago
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  • 🐑🇸 🇭 🇪 🇪 🇵 🇱 🇪🐑
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    66•
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    2 years ago

    That just makes your players look for contraception

    Also yes medieval times did have contraceptives. In fact the history of contraceptives goes back WAAAY to Egypt

    • @ummthatguy@lemmy.world
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      23•2 years ago

      What are your thoughts on sheep intestines as a rudimentary “condom”?

      • @Susaga@ttrpg.network
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        77•2 years ago

        Sure, but I’m part of the minority that likes to remove the rest of the sheep first.

        • @wahming@monyet.cc
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          13•2 years ago

          You murderer

      • @gibmiser@lemmy.world
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        16•2 years ago

        Sheep intestine = sheep asshole. Someone liked fucking sheep so mutch that they decided they wanted to fuck a sheep whenever they fucked a woman

        • @acockworkorange@mander.xyz
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          4•2 years ago

          I know (hope?) this is a joke, but for the curious: Intestines are traditionally what is used to make sausages to this day. So likely they thought if it was good enough to eat, good enough to fuck.

      • @MindSkipperBro12@lemmy.world
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        8•2 years ago

        If it works, it works.

      • @GentlemanLoser@ttrpg.network
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        4•2 years ago

        Cut an orange in half, scoop out the insides. Ancient diaphragm.

    • VagabondShadOP
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      9•2 years ago

      Yep Ancient Egyptians used crocodile dung among other things.

      And now you know

      • @Scubus@sh.itjust.works
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        5•2 years ago

        They also drove a contrceptive plant extinct

        • Kallioapina
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          10•2 years ago

          That was the Romans, not Egyptians. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silphium

    • @ember@lemmy.ca
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      3•2 years ago

      At least it teaches them to be resourceful and safe.

  • Match!!
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    46•2 years ago

    one of my players did this. between sessions he used streetwise to find out if she was pregnant. then he arranged to have her killed. he showed up to the next session and I declared that his alignment had shifted to evil without telling the party why

  • ThyTTY
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    29•2 years ago

    I prefer the first option tbh

    Even better is playing with people who don’t want to vent their sexual frustrations in a game about slaying dragons

    • @kameecoding@lemmy.world
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      5•2 years ago

      Well but you see cant spell slaying without laying, so I will be laying some dragons thank you very much

  • @BabyVi@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    16•2 years ago

    I was in a game where a PC hooked up with an NPC and got her pregnant, resulting in a ton of problems for that character. It was quite funny when one of the other players noticed an unused sheep-skin condom listed on that character’s sheet. Turns out, they’d looted a condom from a fallen baddie during a previous session but forgot about it.

  • teft
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    16•2 years ago

    My poor poor bard. Can I take a few levels in warlock and give the child to my patron?

    • @MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca
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      10•2 years ago

      Do repeat sacrifices give the same power boost from the patron? Might have found a way to bypass all that pesky adventuring to get to level 20.

      • @Bassman1805@lemmy.world
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        9•2 years ago

        If it’s the same XP each, then you’d still need to be a very prolific manwhore for the higher levels.

        And if they start asking for financial support during pregnancy, you might need to resume adventuring just to afford the added food costs. Pregnant women get hungry.

    • @Platform27@lemmy.ml
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      8•2 years ago

      Swing alignment to Evil. Prepare a Children of the Corn adventure, themed to fit the particular patron.

  • katy ✨
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    13•2 years ago

    this feels like a personal attack on bards

  • -☆-
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    8•2 years ago

    Or direct those players to a table of equally horny adventurers and everybody’s happy 😎

  • @Archpawn@lemmy.world
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    8•2 years ago

    And then scheduling conflicts end the campaign before they can find out the result.

    • VagabondShadOP
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      2•2 years ago

      Ugh too true

  • SSTF
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    8•2 years ago

    Hey guys, wanna play this cool game called FATAL?

  • @sorrybookbroke@sh.itjust.works
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    5•2 years ago

    They get way too into it and start keeping track of how much of their “seed they’ve spread” in an attempt to create a new army of children. As for child support, nobody uses their gold anyway

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆
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    4•2 years ago

    “How the hell did I get a male orc pregnant?”

    • WHYAREWEALLCAPS
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      7•2 years ago

      There’s an Oglaf for that.

      NSFW warning

      https://www.oglaf.com/honor/

      https://www.oglaf.com/son-of-kronar/

  • ASeriesOfPoorChoices
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    4•2 years ago

    because murder-hobos need more excuses to murder-hobo. 🙄

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