Apparently, I’ve got spondylolisthesis, meaning that a disk in my spine has slipped out of place (to a rather extensive degree, according to my doctor; it was a relief, at least, to have a professional tell me I wasn’t just being pathetic).
It fucking sucks. I’m laying in my bed now and I cannot describe to you the ways my back pieces currently feel like they are moving, except to say that the sensation is pervasive and unpleasant. Before I went to the doctor, I spent eleven days barely able to stand. I only left my bed to use the restroom and even that was an iffy prospect.
It’s unclear if this makes it better or worse, but the most likely cause for this that has been put forth so far is hilarious … And embarrassing.
Anyway, I’ve been enjoying this debilitating situation for a few months now and the next opportunity to potentially fix it is thirteen days from now. I wish it were today.
Every guy here felt that. Uhhh…the statement. Not your back pain. Although I do have a constant back pain. Just not as extensive as yours.
I want to cry, but I’m kind of ashamed to.
I think about if I’d had this pain before I was married and I’m so, so grateful for my wife being willing to take care of me. I can’t imagine anyone I lived with before being willing to go to the extent that she has. She’s an amazing boon to me.
It’s ok to cry when you have pain, society is kinda messed up for blokes “not being allowed”.
Have you at least got some pain killers from your doctor whilst you wait?
I broke my ankle a few years back and initially my doctor thought this was the problem. She prescribed stretching.
After enough complaining on my part, she finally prescribed one month of low dose muscle relaxers. These worked better than the stretches I had been doing, but didn’t really do much for me.
After I was stuck in bed for eleven days, I went to an orthopedic doctor, who was perhaps more convinced by my pained trembling and virtual inability to stand than my GP had been. They prescribed gabapentin. This is what I’m taking while I wait. It’s not enough to stop the pain (hence this post) but it is enough that I can make it further than the restroom and mostly shower on a daily basis.
I have cried a lot infront of my girlfriend and I am not ashamed of this. Also Infront of friends. Why suppress your feeling? Just be yourself and if someone tells you otherwise, they can go fuck themselves. Be a human, not a robot.
I don’t like to cry, but I’m not exactly ashamed to. I have cried in front of my wife and my friends and they have cried in front of me.
I am ashamed to feel this strongly about my pain. Lots of people feel way more pain, and way less treatably, than I do. Like I said, it was a relief when my doctor told me I wasn’t just being a wimp, but given what others suffer I should focus my sympathy on them and not on myself.
edit: s/was/way/
You are not pathetic, by the way. You are actually brave not to get swept off by opioid prescriptions. It’s ok to cry, it relieves stress, the stress chemicals actually “bleed off” in our tears. So GTFO, you stress chemicals! We don’t need you hanging around our back doors. ;)
That’s very kind of you to say.
The last time I had opioids of any sort was when I had a dental surgery. I didn’t even open them until the whole thing with my back, then I very reluctantly tried them out of desperation. They were a weak enough dosage that they didn’t impact my head in a way noticable to my wife or to me (still didn’t drive or anything risky though), but they helped a little with my pain. I think they might have helped me get to the doctor but boy was that car ride painful. I never finished them. I think about half the prescription is still in my bedside drawer, actually.
Before that, the most recent experience I had with them was when I broke my ankle. They gave them to me when I was in the hospital and, while they certainly helped with the pain, I really really didn’t like what they did to my head. There was a point where I legitimately questioned my connection to reality and whether I’d gone insane. They prescribed me, IIRC, a ten day dose for home; I think I took them for a day, maybe a day and a half, then never again. My wife ended up throwing them out.
(Besides how unpleasant they were from the inside, my wife said it was concerning to watch me do nothing while using them. She said I didn’t eat, didn’t pee, didn’t even sleep (that last part was the most upsetting to me and I think why I questioned reality). Even if I had enjoyed them, I don’t want that to be my life and I don’t want to upset my wife like that.)
I’m never going to judge someone for pursuing whatever recreation they want (so long as they’re not hurting anyone else and are aware of whatever damage they’re doing to themselves) - I have my own vices. I’ll take serious pain medication if I have to, like if I break my ankle, but if it can be avoided I will do so because I did not like the experiences.
I appreciate that the current medicine they have me taking, gabapentin, operates on the nerves and doesn’t do any kind of party drug stuff. They say it can make you sleepy, but fortunately I seem to have dodged that.
Thanks again for being kind!