Sure, us Americans are obviously delusional, but can we talk about the fact that almost half of all brits think they would lose to a goose? They’re 20 pounds, have no teeth or claws, and their bones are hollow. Have a little confidence, guys, I’m sure you can take poultry in a fight.
Actually, this does explain why all those brits in Untitled Goose Game let the goose walk all over them.
Less than 80% of people think they could take on a rat in a life or death battle. You could literally pass out and fall on it and probably crit it.
But if you miss you wake up with no face
Not everyone is a 15-55 year old able bodied person.
A good chunk of the population is disabled and mobility impaired. Large swaths of the population are elderly.
Almost half of Brits might not be as able-bodied as you might imagine.
I’m more interested in the rat fight, because I had my fair share of mouse encounters and rats are bigger, more dangerous and just as quick.
I mean, Americans have huge obesity rates, but apparently, nearly 20% of us think we can take a chimp. I’m sure a rat couldn’t kill me, but I have no idea how I would catch one with my bare hands, so that feels like a draw to me.
Most people would consider their opponent running away to be a victory.
I kinda assumed this was a cage-match, fight-to-the-death kind of thing. I think most animals would rather run away than fight you, unless you’re encroaching on their territory or look like an easy meal.
Might be easier to catch if its literally gnawing at you and attacking you.
The rat one would depend very much on what shoes I had on.
If I had my work boots on, Remy’s getting punted across the room.
I think of it more for the rat, that if it wants to it’ll fuck me up, but I’m more likely to kill it before it kills me.
Geese are terrifying though
If you know you will fight it, might as well just go for it and grab it’s neck or something
Have you ever been attacked by one of those demon spawns? They will not stop attacking you, you can boot it and it will just get up and continue, I’d rather fight a kangaroo, at least when you punch one of them in the face they back off, goose just gets angrier.
I had a goose come at me once. I held my jacket open like it was a giant set of wings and he ran like hell. I was not impressed.
Huh, a jacket you say. Well looks like it’s round fucking 15 time goose!
Jacket? Have you tried a hammer?
Yeah, goose stole it and started hitting me with it.
“Oh shit!” -goose
Yes but you can kill a goose easily. The only reason they are a nuisance is because most people don’t want the heat of killing them.
kangeroos are pretty jacked though.
Yeah, but you crack one right in the face and they second guess you, they’re lower body fighters.
Like, I’m not talking about fighting a big red kangaroo that’s built like Brock Lesnar, just your normal grey kangaroo.
But even then those Brock Lesnaroos don’t like getting punched in the face.
Only punch one if they start it tho, which they probably will, but don’t be a dick.
And the fight would be harder than against a cat.
Wtf are those people smoking? Have they ever seen a domesticated cat in severe distress??
Cats have FIVE pointy ends and an extremely powerful will to live.
I would rather fight any bird than a cat.
I generally agree, but maybe not all birds:
You clearly don’t understand that British geese run in gangs and are shanked to their teeth.
MARIO STOMP!
They may not technically have teeth but they have a serrated beak.
Look at all this shocking overconfidence.
Meanwhile, over in reality, Billy Big Balls is getting the tendon in his ankle severed in 0.3 seconds while screaming like a banshee and falling down. The only reason people look at even the high-percentage animals this way is that, 100% of the time in daily life, they have no interest in fucking you up for real.
Edit: Actually, there is one exception: I firmly believe the average person could fuck up a goose if they committed to it. Geese are pushy assholes with surprisingly sharp beaks and humans don’t really like getting in life or death struggle with any organism, by and large, but I’ve seen a person seize a goose by the neck and the goose in question wasn’t so intimidating after that happened.
I was about to say that people seem extremely under confident about geese.
Yeah. They are scary, sure, but I think a lot of it is that they are clearly very fragile also, and so people are faced with either just letting themselves get bullied or else becoming a monster who’s stomping on this tiny carcass and most people opt for option A.
A couple (as in male and female) lived next to a bus stop I had to use for a while, I had to fight the male off a few times, my goal was never to hurt it, a few swings with a heavy bag filled with books and it wouldn’t insist. I don’t know if it’s bullying but I didn’t see it as gratuitous violence, I also wouldn’t welcome large animals in my home…
Yeah. I feel like city-type humans have gotten too amenable to getting bullied by animals in their environment, and it’s teaching bad lessons. You notice that the geese don’t do the whole “fuck you I chase you hissing” thing if there is a dog anywhere even vaguely in the vicinity of the human, because it knows exactly what the score will wind up at with the dog involved.
I do get it, nobody wants to be the guy that messed up the happy family because they got a little territorial. It sounds like you struck the right balance.
I’m pretty sure that ‘heavy bags filled with books’ is a backpack for school, but I think it’s funny to imagine you also carrying a burlap sack with anti-goose novels specifically to ward off this creature.
Don’t try us.
As long as you’re okay with getting bitten and scratched to hell, the “shove your arm down its throat and suffocate it to death” method is surprisingly effective.
https://people.com/human-interest/travis-kauffman-mountain-lion-attack/
https://apnews.com/general-news-92375ef965ef46a69d9d65a4c4fc2645 (tbf, the bear fled in this case)
Any reason you shouldn’t just break its neck? I mean, grab the neck near the head, jerk it very fast in any direction a gew times and you’ve turned an angry goose into a nonissue.
The problem is getting the neck in the first place.
You’ve got wings flapping in your face, making it hard to use your eyes. They’re likely to be pecking and kicking too, since if they’re really coming at you, they’re going to use everything they have in hopes of scaring you off.
So targeting a neck that’s moving, when you have to do it by feel sp you don’t take eye damage takes a bit of “luck” because some part of the grab attempt is going to be almost impossible to predict. The neck is moving, the body is moving, so where you think you should grab might not be where you think it is.
Source : have been sent running a few times while fishing, and the fuckers are hard to grab.
I have a rooster now, and he used to get frisky in his “teenage” hormone laden time. Even grabbing all of him was difficult until I had some familiarity with how he moves. Most people are only going to run into an angry goose a few times their entire life, so that lack of practice makes it harder than it would seem as well
Goose is ez, grab by neck and swing. I’m taking about dog and cat like animals. Good luck shoving your arm down a Goose’s throat. If you can manage that, the Goose has bigger things to worry about than suffocation.
chimpanzee would rip you the fuck apart, more than a gorilla
Yeah, a chimpanzee will straight up rip your arms off and beat you to death with them. They have zero chill, and a massive proportion of fast-twitch muscle (which means they can create huge bursts of strength, but struggle with fine motor control.)
If people knew more about chimpanzees, they’d be right down there with bears and elephants. I would 100% prefer to take on a wolf or a kangaroo, taking Aussies at their word about how insane roos are, over a chimp. The chimp probably has just as high a K/D as the bear or elephant, but it’s going to teabag you while wearing the face it ripped off your skull before you go out.
Kangaroos do this move where they try to kick the balls off their male opponents. No thanks.
Still better than a chimp
have you seen their nails? their kick can easily disembowel you.
Or disemball you in this instance.
I have. It’s terrifying.
At the same time people also murder the fuck out of chimps with fairly primitive tools and have for a long time, what chimps really got on us is that crazy murder energy that you only really see in humans with the aid of PCP. Wouldn’t wanna fight one but in theory its about equivelent to fighting an unbelivably pissed off human.
14 May 1805: Narrow Escape
One of their most harrowing experiences with a grizzly occurred on 14 May 1805, on the bank of the Missouri River between the Milk and Musselshell rivers. Clark wrote:
Six good hunters of the party fired at a Brown or Yellow Bear Several times before they killed him, & indeed he had like to have defeated the whole party, he pursued them Seperately as they fired on him, and was near Catching Several of them one he pursued into the river, this bear was large & fat would way about 500 wt
Lewis described the climax of the incident:
he pursued two of them seperately so close that they were obliged to throw aside their guns and poucnes and throw themselves into the river altho’ the bank was nearly twenty feet perpendicular; so enraged was this animal that he plunged into the river only a few feet behind the second man he had compelled to take refuge in the water, when one of those who still remained on shore shot him through the head and finally killed him.
When they butchered the animal, they found that a total of eight rifle balls had entered its body in different directions.
https://lewis-clark.org/sciences/mammals/bears/grizzly-bear-encounters/
You will not beat a grizzly bear unarmed. You might not beat a grizzly bear armed.
I love that the original word for bear has been lost to the annals of time because it was feared that saying the word for bear out loud would summon a bear and that was instant total party kill for everybody involved.
Bears are the original boogie men.
On another etymological note, we have no idea where the word “dog” comes from.
Poughkeepsie. That’s where.
When I visited Yellowstone, I found a clearing that recently had a bear in it. Grizzly or not, there was a claw mark about 7ft up on a pine tree, and there were peels of bark hanging down the tree. That bear casually peeled the bark off the tree with the same effort you could peel a cucumber with a peeler.
Confirmed: Brits are shit fighters
That’s how I’m reading it 💪. Although, I would let the eagle win🫡 🇺🇸
U fackin wot m8 ?!?
-majority of British think they could not beat a goose
Just LAY on them they weigh like 5 poundsgeese are fawkin aggressive and WILL be attacking you and moving a lot. you would have a hard time landing a kick let alone a landing whole body.
That’s not how I’m reading this chart. Brits seem to broadly agree with Americans about almost everything, they’re just more pessimistic.
They’re right about geese though
Don’t take my comment seriously.
You’re not the boss of me 😛
anyone honestly saying they could win a fight with a bear is someone who hikes with a .45 and thinks that will do anything for them before the bear has already killed them
Park rangers are advising hikers and campers in national parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance, so they won’t be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them, which might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors are told they should also carry a pepper spray can just in case they encounter a bear. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear’s sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear droppings so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognise the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.
note that none of that is shooting a bear with a gun or fighting the bear because those “hikers” are the goddamn dumbest
Note that this is a joke because the final sentence indicates that the people wearing the bells have sprayed the grizzly with the pepper spray and were still eaten.
🤦 my b
Leaving to hike in bear woods right now! With a 9mm. And a .22 rifle. TBF, there are only black bears around here. :) (But one is a momma.)
I’ve played enough RPGs to know you can lose to a rat, even with a sword and armor equipped
Still remember my nuclear submarine being sunk by a bunch of biremes in Rise
isof Nations
Would enjoy watching some tough guys try and fight anything from chimp on down.
“Yeah, bro, I can totally fkn take an elephant!”
No wonder the Brits lost the 13 Colonies, mfs can’t even take a goose.
This is one of those moments when you can immediately identify who has and who has not regularly interacted with the animal in question
I know right, do geese not exist in England? Or do they have special English geese that weigh 50 pounds and lack wringable necks?
this is kinda like mocking Aussie magpies because you only know UK magpies.
Geese in the UK are all the giant cunt species
A goose is a gangster swan, and everyone knows that they break arms.
Swans are meaner than geese by far. You don’t wanna be anywhere within sight of a swan.
Drop those bars!
A goose will back off of you give it a boot to the chest. I’ve fought off a couple of geese and a goose-sized duck and a chest-kick is the best move. Works best of you are able to wind up and use the side of your foot like you’re trying to score a sweet goal in soccer, but a regular punt gets the job done too.
A kick or a stick is all anyone needs!
We just took a break to watch you all fight those grizzlies.
Over 30% don’t believe they would prevail over a house cat.
Would like to hear their story.
Cats are literally made of weapons and they are very assertive about their rights.
I don’t know what precise definition you want to use for “win the fight,” but in think in most cases, you will either kick the cat before it attaches itself to you or else it will do a significant amount of damage for which you should go to the hospital and then take its leave. I think the second outcome is probably a lot more likely if the cat has decided it’s go time and I would generally define that as “win.”
Winning the fight in this case just means accepting some pain.
Getting hold of the cat will probably hurt. Breaking its neck doesn’t take a lot once you’ve got hold.
I’m sorry. I’ve owned house cats all my life and I can tell you you’re severely mistaken.
They can turn 180° in the middle and you will not touch them without risk of major injury if they’re in severe distress.
We had one that needed to be held down by three adults to get an injection. She was only pissed off, and not even a large or muscular cat.
They are predators. Do not mistake them being domesticated from an inability to fight.
I love my cats and would NEVER hurt them but you cannot tell me that I couldn’t easily crush their skulls if it came to life or death. This post is “could you take on in a fight” not “can you hold them down”.
They are faster than us. But not trying to convince anyone.
You could of course harm them in a surprise but that’s also not what the question was.
Just because you couldn’t has no bearing on what others can do. I’ve owned cats too. None of them could do more than make me bleed a little.
They’re tiny and fragile compared to a human. Just stepping on one could kill it.
You couldn’t easily step on one in a fight.
Of course I could easily harm any cat not expecting it. But this is about a fight. And I’ve seen people trying to touch even their own cat during a fight.
Try a look at wild cats.
https://www.thepoke.com/2016/06/06/cat-experiement-goes-wrong-in-funny-way-yeah/
Fella was already ready to kill the cats and had 0 success at all in dispatching them once it was real. Like Mike Tyson said, everyone has a plan until the hand that’s going to break the neck is getting eaten like a mouse.
I won’t say that what you say is impossible, just that things like that are not as easy as they seem. Animals generally pretty capable when it’s go time even if the theory seems like they should be easy to deal with.
By the picture and the comments there’s a majority of people seriously underestimating cats. 😁
Funny but not exactly a normal circumstance and a 4v1 by the sound of it.
If I couldn’t kill a cat with a kick which is seriously doubtful, I could definitely do it with my hands.
Like I said, everyone has a plan until.
My girlfriend’s cat got very sick one day and we had to feed her through a tube.
Well one day she got better and decided that she wasn’t going to put up with tube feeding. I am a 6ft, 230lb man and I shit you not, I had to put my entire body weight on her to keep her from squirming. Every ounce of my strength went into holding her down so that the tube wouldn’t rip out of her throat as the food was going down. I couldn’t believe how strong a kitty could be when you try to get them do do something they don’t want to do.
So no I don’t think I could take a house cat in a fight.
But she got fed so in a way you did beat an angry cat in a fight. I’d call this a win.
Yeah but there’s a difference between fighting because you don’t want something, and fighting for your life. I imagine that a housecat would put a lot more effort into winning a deathmatch. I wouldn’t take that bet
I feel I could walk away victorious from a fight with a cat, but I’ll probably bleed out on my way to the hospital. Similar results to a knife fight.
It’s the infection from cat bites that will get you. You could lose a limb.
Mom had two female cougars she raised from the bottle, as house pets. They were abandoned for whatever reason, can’t remember. Declawed for safety, but still.
Tasha had a thing for men wearing hats. Any hat. Any man. So my 20-something dumbass decided to start a little shit. 90lb. cat vs. 130lb. me. Got down on the living room floor wearing my straw cowboy hat and stared her in the eye. “Let’s go bit-…”
All I saw was a tawny blur and fighting to get on my knees. She got the hat and a monster hank of my long hair. I let her keep the hat. And the hair.
I now have zero illusions as to fighting animals.
Wtf though there’s a huge difference between a 10lb housecat and a 90lb cougar. Although there are cases of people fighting off cougars with their bare hands…
TIL 10% of Americans would beat an elephant in a fist fight.
It doesn’t say fist fight it says fight. An mg42 some ammo a and a bit of distance are going to win against almost any animal hence the whole multiple extinction events directly caused by predation by humanity.
It’s right there on the top of the graph.
“Which of the following animals, if any, do you think you could beat in a fight if you were unarmed?”
It would be difficult to fight anything without arms. I guess you could just do roundhouse kicks but arms would be much more useful.
Thats why the brits have an advantage, all that.soccer helps their kick attacks.
Americans obviously overrate themselves by what ever percent they think they can beat an elephant, bear, or gorrila.
Correct, my whole point is it’s vague enough to take advantage of so it’s not actually indicative of much aside from malicious compliance.
I feel like unarmed is not vague enough to allow for machine guns lol
“if you were unarmed”
I’m unarmed, the fellas i hire may not be but that isn’t the question.
You were super fun on the playground I’m sure
Gotta play the grey. I could beat them in a fight by hiring a mercenary or team of mercenaries.
I’m still unarmed, I could even be involved in the fight and still not be armed and win the fight.
Similarly the definition of unarmed varies wildly by culture and language so first let’s define unarmed and then we can decide how and where to play the language of the question.
This is how you get kicked out of a game of DnD
Wouldn’t be the first time no, lawyering language is generally not a popular thing to do.
You aren’t lawyering anything, you’re just refusing to take a very simple question at face value
That’s literally lawyering, theres a reason the supreme court determines if something is too vague.
Unarmed fight.
Yeah that doesn’t say I can’t hire someone who is not does it say I can’t get 30000 unarmed dudes to help. It’s vague so why not play the game I’m fairly sure that’s likely why the answers look so weird.
Emus would like a word with you.
They lost the emu war was lost because of incompetence. They had a machine gun they didn’t know how to use which jammed and they couldnt figure out how to clear it and then they just gave up until the next incompetent attempt.
Every single creature on this list would kick my ass no problem.
Please do not make me have to explain to my mother I lost a fight against a rat.
She’d understand if I lost a fight against a cat though. None of us win against an angry cat.
I’ll stop at eagle, but it would be a close match, and I’d need the ER. Eagles aren’t heavy, and if you can get your hand around it’s neck, it’s all over–swing it like a chicken. A large dog would be a toss-up, and no one is beating a chimp. No one. More people could beat a cobra than a chimp. There was the video of the guy besting a kangaroo, but that would not be me. The rest are fantasy.
I’m 6’1", 250 lbs and hulking and my ancestors were dog soldiers who would bring dogs with us to war and in winter when food was getting a little scarce we would toss Fido in the pot.
I said that to say I can and have sucessfully fought a large dog before, but not a rabid large dog, just angry large dog.
That being said, If the dog is rabid, all bets are off.
If someone put a gun to my head and said, fight the chimp to the death or die right now, I would do my best, but unless I get really lucky, maybe, maybe 30% of the time I win.
The longer I look at this the more fascinating it gets. The fact that the bottom rows are not absolute zero across the board. The fact that the US respondents are well over 3% confident they could take on a grizzly unarmed. Is it just a social thing, always responding with confidence ? Or do they have no basic idea what a grizzly really is. Are these always the same people who think they can take on a bear and a lion? So many questions, so little data.
A human isn’t doing anything to an elephant unarmed. Punchs? Kicks? You’re not going anywhere near that trunk. It’s like kicking a tank.
If the elephant was a scared little bitch. You could probably scare hunt it into exhaustion maybe, maybe
elephants are vengeful, they went after a deceased womans funeral after she died when she was alived and she harrassed them.
